curlygirl's Cancer Blog
October 12, 2008
| Me + tamoxifen = depression | Views: 700 |
I wanted to start off this post by thanking everyone who commented, here and via email, on my last post. It means so much to me to have the support of all of you!
I am happy to report that I’ve been taken off tamoxifen for a while and it has made things vastly better. Tamoxifen is the hormone therapy drug I have to take for 5 years because my cancer feeds on estrogen. About 3 weeks ago, I found myself crying every day, often over nothing at all. I was having trouble focusing my mind, I could not finish even the smallest of projects (i.e., emptying the dishwasher) without getting distracted, and I was losing motivation to do things. Then I would beat myself up for being so lazy. I would go for my walk and just cry and cry as I walked. Everything in the world was sad to me (yeah, the world’s pretty sad right now, but this was beyond even that). The social worker at the cancer center suggested that I talk with my medical oncologist’s nurse and they took me off the med until a few weeks after radiation is over. It took a week for the stuff to get out of my system, during which I continued to cry uncontrollably. I thought for sure that the tamoxifen had triggered a real depression and I was going to have to go on anti-depressants, which I would really prefer not to do. Then, 7 days in, I had a great day. I felt the clouds lift and actually got a little tickle in my heart that let me know that I was ok. I’m still grouchy and moody, but just my normal amount!
I’m so glad to be feeling better. I really want to be able to relax and use the remaining weeks of my leave for real healing. I’ll have to go back on the tamoxifen eventually, but I’ll be easing back onto it really slowly, which the nurse says should help me avoid the emotional side-effects I was having. I’m skeptical, but I hope she’s right!
So until then I’m working on really learning to take care of myself. I’m going for nearly daily walks at a gorgeous reservoir nearby, where I see a great blue heron every day and often see a bald eagle or two. It’s gorgeous—a little piece of heaven. Then I’m tired, so I have to rest. I’m finally getting used to the idea of rest as a thing I need to do, which is good, since I need to rest more and more as this radiation process goes on. Until now, I’ve been resting very reluctantly. I’ve been fighting it and berating myself for being so unproductive. When I told the social worker about this, she said, “You know, your inner voice is really mean!” That cracked me up. She’s so right! She encouraged me to treat myself the way I’d treat a friend who is in the same situation. What good advice! I’m working on that and it’s going pretty well so far. I suspect I’m still in the honeymoon phase, but it’s a habit worth cultivating.
So I’m starting to accept that I may not get done all the things I thought I’d do while I was on leave. The one thing I have to do is get better and that requires me to be more gentle with myself than I am normally. I’m just afraid I’ll learn to like it and it will make the adjustment back to my normal life more difficult. Well, I’ll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
I hope you are all enjoying the gorgeous fall. Be well.
12.17.08 - 
Auntie Carole 
Thanks for your support -
What a great social worker you have! Plus, you’re smart enough to take her advice. Good to hear you’re doing well and you’re in good hands.
Enjoy!
Hmmm. I remember a very smart woman who relayed to me a piece of advice her therapist had given her, and that was: “Give yourself a f!ing break!” I’m not always able to listen to that advice, but I try to. It’s especially hard to do when you’re being influenced by external factors, but now that you’re off the tamoxifen, I hope it will be a little easier. Give that mean voice the finger! And treat yourself well. We all want to see you rested and healthy asap!
Love love love,
k
Hi gal. some times we have stand back and make room for our self. Our health is one thing but our mental health needs to be looked after. I am on Arimedex and it has some of the side effects.
I guess there is nothing out there that does not have some kind of side effect,
Any way have a good week.
Sherri
Wow, it does sound like clinical depression you were experiencing with Tamoxifen. I am happy that you are feeling better now. It is strange how medications have different side effects on everyone.
“I’m finally getting used to the idea of rest as a thing I need to do, which is good” “I’ve been fighting it and berating myself for being so unproductive” I can so relate! I think your social worker has very good advice. I can definitely use that advice myself.
Yuyu
Good for you – - maintaining a healthy curiosity or skepticism (about tamoxifen or any other part of your treatment) is an asset! It will help you to be a more informed “consumer,” to seek out the information you need to ensure that you get the best possible treatment for YOU!
Dear Kathy; You and I sound like we have very similar diagnosis and treatment. My lumpectomy was in May of 2007. I started the equal drug to Tamoxifen – called ARIMIDEX in August of that same year, followed up by 26 radiation treatments. During the first few months of taking Arimidex, I did have side effects that reminded me of menopause, but my muscles ached, my moods were up and down and I had a voracious hunger. I was aware of these things coming because I did my research on line and asked a lot of questions. I have heard some rumblings that everyone might now be put on Arimidex instead of Tamoxifen because there are less ugly side effects. Since I have to do this for 5 years, I thought I better wage the war and put up with the small things that bothered me. Now that I have been on this drug for 14 months, the side effects for the most part have gone away. Yes there is muscle aches but perhaps that would have been here anyway. My hot flashes have subsided, except a couple of times during sleep hours, or if I am in a crowded room. I’m still hungry but try to wage that war too. I guess I love food too much to make it a stress consideration. There is a website you can go to to find out more about Arimidex and you should ask your Dr.’s if that is an option for you. The two drugs are very similar and usually as in the past, anyone pre menopausal will go on Tamox and anyone post menopausal will be given Arimidex. That is just the way it works. I really hope you get back on it. This is proven to be a very good delayer if not fighter against the disease returning. Take it seriously!
Here is the webblog on Arimidex versus Tamoxifen.
http://blog.healthtalk.com/breast-cancer/life-with-breast-cancer/arimidex-versus-tamoxifen
Hope this helps.
Weezie
Hi Kathy:
I too have had trouble with tamoxifen. Within 4 days of starting it, I was crying uncontrollably. I was only on it a week when the Dr. told me to go off it for now. My radiation will be over Nov 20, but I have to say, I don’t think I will go back on it. I was reluctant to start after reading the side effects. Good Luck to you, hope all goes well.
Louise G.